Posts Tagged ‘traumatic’

I’ve never been much of a “machine person.” That is, until five years ago the only thing I could tell you about lawn mowers and weed eaters is that they make irritatingly loud noises & that the man who mows my yard uses them quite expertly. And at great cost to me!

Circumstances change, however, and today I am the half- owner/operator of two lawnmowers, three weed eaters, a monster brush mower, a powerful trimmer mower, a frightening chain saw, an amazing tiller, and a partridge in a pear tree! Just kidding about the partridge. Not the tree.

It’s all because I inherited some beautiful but overgrown property, with three spring-fed ponds and a creek and a neat little cabin….all in need of immediate and serious back-breaking attention.

What I have learned so far: Power tools such as I now “control” certainly can perform amazing feats. But now for the downside. It’s called TRAUMATIC AMPUTATION. Translation: this machine is viciously aggressive and eager to remove my left foot, my favorite hand, the very nose off my face. The literature with these tools emphasizes the possibly of TRAUMATIC AMPUTATION in bold letters on several pages in graphic detail as well as on the machine itself so there’s no chance you can claim in your suit against Toro: well nobody told me the lawn mower would cut my left foot off if I stuck it under said machine. Now, give me a million bucks.

Traumatic amputation as opposed to what, un-traumatic amputation? I would think any removal of a limb or digit from my body would be traumatic. I guess the point they wish to make is that if you want your hand removed, it’s better to have it done by skilled surgeons in an antiseptic hospital with a gaggle of nurses as opposed to having it done by a Cub Cadet mower on the side of the pond surrounded by a family of croaking bullfrogs.

So this I have learned. Disconnect the sparkplug, disconnect the sparkplug, disconnect the sparkplug before you start fiddling with the dang machine. Also, don’t climb up a ladder with a chainsaw, or the limb you lop off may be your own. (They make what’s called a hand saw or a pole saw for these kinds of endeavors.) A smooth-running self-propelled push mower is a beautiful thing, but don’t be pushing one of those gems up a hill. TRAUMATIC AMPUTATION doesn’t begin to cover the damage a “slip down” could cause.

OK, I am through with this subject. It’s just something I have to face every weekend my husband and I head out to conquer the pernicious growth that sprouts and flourishes without need of sun or rain or nutrients of any kind. No doubt about it. Nature has the upper hand.But husband and I are up to the fight. As we each roll out with one of our great powerful machines each weekend, our last words to each other before heading our separate ways — come back with both feet or don’t come back at all.


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